School started yesterday. I worked in the health food shop, and the child had a boxing class after school. Then I re-launched a beginners yoga class. It was a really nice day, but there was a lot of rushing about in between the different activities. And then at 4:15 this morning there I was with my head buzzing with Things To Do.
It’s a common issue but one I haven’t suffered with for quite a while- a benefit of lockdown! It’s one of those things that I now fear and the fear of sleeplessness can itself prevent sleep… so a vicious circle is established. This time I put on a yoga nidra and that helped me drift off- somewhat perversely, I seem to need the ‘permission’ offered by the teacher to let go and relax. I’ve found that before with stressful times and taking a restorative class, or even allowing tears to come, I can’t do it on my own but need someone else to say ‘yes, it’s ok’. Is this something that resonates with you? I certainly hope I can bring that ‘permission’ and create a space where people feel able to let go once my Yin & Restorative class starts on 19th September.
I’m feeling the fear also of being overwhelmed by Things To Do- again, in itself a likely cause of my stress and anxiety levels rising. I’m meditating on the balance between pushing too hard and giving up too soon; possibly like someone who damaged ligaments and is wary of repeating the injury, I’m wary of pushing my mental health too far.
Hopefully with plenty of breath work and bedtime Nidra practice all will be well. And also hopefully, I will get sufficient income from my classes to be able to reduce the hours I work PAYE. But it’s a balancing act. What’s your tightrope?